Let’s Walk you through; 13 positive questions to ask your partner before marriage to avoid divorce.
There are things every single should know and questions to ask before marriage which is very important before getting or even thinking of getting married.
But first of all, before we start talking about the things every single should know, let’s talk about marriage. Are you with me?
So before thinking of marriage, first ask yourself, what have I accomplished on my own? What am I going into my new home with, am I going in empty handed?
Note this, 80% of every spouse who goes into his/her matrimony home empty, hardly have respect nor a voice.
Am I wrong? Now I ask again, what have you accomplished.? Thinking of marriage is not wrong, but first of all, try working on who you are. before talking on questions to ask before marriage, let’s first of all look into;
THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW; (questions to ask before marriage)
Your Relationship with God
your number one priority as a single individual is your relationship with God. Am I saying that when you are married that you don’t pray? No, what am saying is that, the way you fellowship with God now is different from the way you fellowship with Him when you are married with kids.
This is a time to allow God into every part of your life not only the part you want Him to see, to break you, rebuild you and mold you to how He wants you to become.
Study how a woman behaves
To my brothers, if you don’t know what to do or what it means when a woman is quiet or how to handle a woman when she is low or high, then you are not ready for marriage. Mark my words. Use your mother, sisters or girlfriend as an example in your case study
Plan Towards the future
How is your relationship with children? What do you think makes them happy? You got to know all that before even thinking of getting married.
It is terrible for you to stay alive and your child wishes you were dead. Or wishes he or she was born to another woman/ man like you. As a woman, it is not a taboo if you try putting things down with your pen and work towards achieving that vision. it helps build respect and self worth.
Being a slay Queen will not solve this one My sister, have domestic skills before even thinking of becoming a married woman.
Did I say you should become a chef? No, but you need to learn how to first of all, keep yourself clean, your home, that includes kitchen, bedroom, sitting room, bath/toilet, the surrounding etc..
It is either you are in or you are out. And the worst part is that you will not only lose your home to a strange woman from outside but an insider which maybe your house help.
Don’t be a boring fellow, try and make your life interesting in a way that pleases God, that people who comes around you would want to stay not coming in and stepping out.
While waiting for marriage, learn new things, it can be a skill, trade etc, engage yourself in activities, Church activities, seminars, read books that will help you in self-improvement etc don’t expect marriage from every single man that tries coming close to you, because you will scare them away and that’s desperation.
You just have to wait upon the Lord before you rush and miss what God had planned for you.
Let your physical appearance speak a clear language to people concerning you. i.e. don’t be 23, 24, 25 etc. but your appearance is speaking 32, 34, 35 etc.
Value comes before treasure
if you don’t learn to value what you have, you can’t treasure it. Perhaps, your heart lies where your treasure is.
Value yourself, your family, your friends etc. don’t live I don’t care kind of life because it won’t help you in the quest of getting marry.
Life is full of so many things, you cannot discover these things if you don’t study and have some experience in life.
How will you train a kid or rebuke a kid if you have no experience about life itself? So you have to prepare yourself for what you want to become.
How to communicate
It is said “communication is the key”. And you can only learn how to communicate and interact with people while you are still young, single. Learn how to listen, talk without making sounds and also understand reactions.
Learning how to communicate when you marry may not help your marriage.
You want to know why? You are your spouse partner in dealing with people. as a wife or a husband, if you did not learn reactions without words, you may not understand when your husband needs your backup in a discussion with friends or when he or she needs your help in stopping a communication on subject she has no interest on or she is bored with.
Also, it is just like applying for a secretary job before even knowing what is involved in being a secretary.
Learn how to tolerate people
when you are married as a woman or a man, you will see different kinds of people with different kind of drama, from different background.
Some will be coming to run your home for you, some will be coming to spoil it for you, some will stay as commentators, spectators etc watching. If you never learn how to tolerate or handle such people while you were alone or while you were preparing for marriage, my dear, you won’t be able to deal with it now.
Have a biological knowledge of sex
when I say biological knowledge of sex, I mean have an insight what sexual satisfaction is all about and why it is necessary in marriage. You can learn that by reading books, a marriage counselor, or a medical practitioner.
Learn how to do multitasking
As a girl or lady, learn how to wash dishes while putting food on fire, learn how to sweep the floor while boiling water, etc. when you learn how to do these things, you will be able to handle your kids especially in the morning while preparing them for school.
Have a pre-medical knowledge
having a pre-medical knowledge is a good start in raising a family. Is not every headache, pains, stomach egg etc. that you should make a big deal out of it.
With a pre-medical knowledge, you will know some few first aid treatment to give to your kids or husband when temperature is high and when to use a paracetamol.
It has to do with your dealing in the house especially at night, in your kitchen etc. be alert, put things in places it should be, before you go to bed, lock your doors, light out, kitchen running tap off, electrical sockets off etc.
Doing these few things while at your mother’s house, your own house etc. can help you to be domestic alert even when you get married.
Improve your vocabulary
Some ladies can be so abusive, and they need to work on that before even thinking of getting married to a responsible man. Using words like why are you behaving so foolish, are you that stupid etc. is like a slap to a man’s face.
learn about people’s culture
learning about other’s people culture I better than planning to adopt to it when you are married into it. Learning it now before saying yes I do, is the right stage to know if you can fit in, or you can’t.
Learn to adopt, adjust and give respect to other people’s hobby
How do you react when your brother’s are watching football in the living room while you had a program you needed to watch by that same time? And vice versa, this will help you on how to handle such, when you are married.
Learn to respect people’s privacy:
Respecting people’s privacy will help you in sustaining your life time on earth. There are things you will see in people’s phone that if not taken care of, it can result in heart attack. Learn to knock before entering someone’s house, room etc.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE MARRIAGE
In marriage, love is not always enough, marriage has to do with commitment and compromises etc. that’s where questions to ask before marriage comes in.
- How is your relationship with God and people around you?
- why do i want to marry?
- Do you want to have kids?
- How many kids do you want to have?
- Can i adjust or fit into this man/woman’s kind of life?
- Am i taking the right step?
- Is God behind this marriage?
- Am i rushing?
- When i start having kids, my body will change, am i ready for this change?
- If conflict arises as a man/woman, will i be able to handle it without involving my mum?
- what qualities does he/she has that makes me want to marry this person?
- What is his background like both spiritually and other wise.?
- Can i maintain this relationship I’m starting both with the family?
17 Ways to Handle Emotional Pains
Sadness is a natural emotion that is associated with loss and disappointment. However, if it doesn’t fade with time, it might point to a treatable condition, depression, that can impact your whole body and daily life.
1. Look for support. Whether you’ve already left your abuser, are still with your abuser or were abused long ago, consider reaching out to a trained domestic violence advocate at any point to find nonjudgmental support for how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Processing your emotions can help you through the healing process.
2. Understand that recovery happens in stages. You’ll face anger, depression, bargaining and all of the stages of grief. When you start to forgive yourself and allow yourself to accept that the past is over, you can grow and build resiliency.
3. Don’t torture yourself by fixating on what caused the pain you’re suffering from. What has happened has already been done and cannot be undone.
If nothing can be done, your only and best choice is to simply to accept it and move on.
4. Open yourself to others, let them in. Does it hurt you to see your loved ones suffering? The same goes for your loved ones when they see you suffering.
Don’t lock yourself up in your room and avoid others. Let them in, it benefits both them and you. Humans are social creatures, isolating yourself ends up exacerbating your pain. Connection is the antidote.
5. See a therapist or counselor, who can help you uncover and deal with the emotions underlying your addiction.
6. Distract Yourself. Common belief used to bethat if we didn’t express every emotion we felt (or at least the big ones), they would show themselves in other ways. In some ways, this is true: there are benefits to examining our emotional states to learn from what our emotions are trying to tell us, and ‘stuffing our emotions’ in unhealthy ways can bring other problems. However, it’s also been discovered that distracting oneself from emotional pain with emotionally healthy alternatives such as a feel-good movie, fun activities with friends, or a satisfying mental challenge can lessen emotional pain and help us feel better.
7. Practice Meditation. Meditation is very helpful for dealing with a variety of stressors, and emotional stress is definitely in the category of stressors that meditation helps with. It allows you to take a break from rumination by actively redirecting your thoughts, and provides practice in choosing thoughts, which can help eliminate some emotional stress in the long term. Try a few meditation techniques.
8. Understand that Every emotion is temporary. Any emotion known to man is a fleeting, impermanent state (even the happy ones). Think of them like waves. Sometimes you can see it coming, other times it catches you by surprise. Some waves are bigger than others; however, by their nature they come and go.
9. Learn to smile and laugh, Laughter is important. I often distracted myself from negative thoughts and memories with humor. Watch a funny clip on the Internet or call a friend that always makes you laugh. In a time crunch, you can simply think of something that always helps you laugh or smile.
10. Apologize to others and to yourself, accept that what has happened has happened, and convince yourself that the only way to move forward is to forgive yourself.
11. Think about your own role in the situation that is upsetting you and look for ways in which you can improve. Most of the time, when we become angry at someone else, we finger point and look to blame. We may focus on the ways in which the other person has hurt us or what they have done wrong. It can be important to express how we have been wronged and discuss that with the person who wronged us, but it is also helpful to look at ways in which we could have handled things differently, what we can change about our own behavior or how we can approach a situation differently in the future.
12. Text a friend.
13. Ask someone to just sit with you.
14. Call a family member.
15. Talk to an adult you trust.
16. Call a friend you.
17. Listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook.
Important things every woman want a man they love to understand about love and money.
Most women are always embarrassed to ask their man for money or for something they need, always embarrassed. They would rather soak up their challenges secretly or look for help elsewhere than going to him to ask for some help, even when she knows that he has the capacity to handle it, they don’t just feel right about it, especially for women with an independently ‘I should take care of myself’ mentality.
And the problem is not a lack of courage or pride, the challenge is that they feel responsible for themselves, and more than anything else they hate that you might feel buggy.
The closest thing they try to do is get help somewhere else, even when those alternative sources are the most unlikely to be responsive she will still prefer to take that chance than ask you for anything.
She expects you to figure out that something is not right. She just expects you to read her body language and her moods. She expects you to read the words in her silence but when you ask her ‘how are you?’ The next thing that follows is ‘have you eaten?’, and that’s all, you don’t go beyond that point.
Get this guys, as a man there is just no way you can be comfortable that your partner is not asking you for anything, there is just no way you can be at peace with yourself, it should itch your soul.
You are working and earning a salary but for 3 months you have not bought her anything, it’s bad honestly, even if your budget is tight, even if you are saving to buy world bank, 2months is enough to stop by the store and get her a nice pair of jeans or some tops, a fancy hair ribbon won’t put your savings in recession, it just the little things we do.
Most of us are just relaxed over the fact that she works and can take care of herself, yes she can, but even as the director of central bank she is also a woman, and as a woman she has needs that only a man can satisfy.
Dont wait for her to come asking you for little things, just as grown women always feel embarrassed to ask, grown men also feel embarrassed when their woman come asking for money and some common things they need, they just use their common sense to know that he is responsible for someone according to his capacity. Grown men ask what she needs, they don’t wait to be asked.
If this is you uncle please start using your common sense, start by showing concern with questions like;
“Baby, I have a free budget for April, is there anything you need that you want me to make a budget for?”
“Love, i know you need money for your project, I will cover your tithe for this month so you can add that 10% to what you have saved up, alright?”
“Bae, I told your friend that makes female shoes to make one for you, I paid already, just let her the design you like.”
Or sometimes just send her some cash and ask her to keep it for you, we both know she understands what you’re trying to do.
These little things are the foundation blocks of a relationship and marriage. Most brothers don’t even have the account details of their partner and they have been doing relationship for over a year. Some cannot remember the last time they bought airtime credit for their partner, it’s that bad. Love is not free, the price is responsibility.
Love and money have a connection, once one is not there, then there is a possibility of challenges in your relationship.
14 Ways to show a Man that you Love Him without saying ” I Love You ”
The happiest relationships come when two people are able to be open and honest with each other, and that honesty is a byproduct of being able to speak freely without fear of being judged.
1. If you want to show your guy that you think he’s special, you could just tell him you love him. He’ll always want to hear that. And, of course, you can surprise him with the latest iPhone or that golf club he’s been begging for. But probably the best way to make a man feel loved is to offer some simple, everyday acts of kindness that show him you understand him.
These little gifts will give something back to you: a marriage infused with more trust and friendship and a deeper sense of togetherness.
So go ahead and buy him things if you feel like it. But if you want to make him so happy leave those materials things or don’t focus on gifts.
2. Give him some “Guy Time” You are your husband’s best friend, as he’s likely to profess after a couple of beers. But sometimes he wants to go out with someone who won’t roll her eyes when he turns into a human whoopee cushion. That “someone” is… The Guys. “Men get energy from being away,” “They hang loose, talk or not talk. It gives them great intimacy without tremendous demands.”
3. Whether it’s running errands for him, getting chores done around the house, or quickly dropping off lunch for him during a busy day at work, small and large favors can take a huge weight off someone’s shoulders. By going out of your way to make your guy’s life a bit less stressful, you’re showing him that you’re willing to sacrifice your own time and energy to make him happy. If that isn’t love, what is?
4. Sometimes, the most loving moments come during the most difficult times. Just being there for your partner when he needs you the most can show him how much you really care about him, especially if he feels like he needs to put on a brave face for everyone else. Let him cry into your arms if he’s facing an overwhelming or tragic time in his life or bring him a cold washcloth and medicine if he’s sick in bed. Your support will mean just as much as three little words.
5. to be the pursuer in dating and relationships and feel that we need to ‘win’ a woman’s attention and attraction from our competition. Regardless of how silly this may sound to women reading this, my money is on the fact that many men are nodding along with it in understanding.
For this reason, we find we are often on the giving end of compliments, especially when it comes to someone we truly care about. Regardless of how confident a man comes across, acknowledging him with genuine adoration will make him feel appreciated, and all warm and fuzzy inside.
6. Give him long hugs. Men often communicate physically. Whether it be through body language, putting his arm around you, or how he tends to stand up taller when other men are around – it is a language he instinctively understands. This provides women with a great opportunity to be close to him physically and also send a very important message of love that he wants to hear [feel]. Holding on to him just a little longer or hugging him just a little tighter will show him the affection he desires.
7. Show Affection in Public. We’re not talking about over the top displays of affection here, a nice little hand squeeze or a peck on the cheek is all you need to show your partner, you care without making the people around you uncomfortable.
8. Brag on him. Tell family and friends maybe even complete strangers, how much you appreciate the man that he is. Preferably within his hearing.
9. Being close physically. Men often express themselves physically. Someone who is always close to you is taking comfort in the knowledge that you are with him.
Men also like the feeling of protectiveness that comes from being close to you. He might even be sending a subconscious message to the world: She’s with me, so back off! He may:
•Have his arm around you regularly
•Hold your hand
•Hug you at random times
•Always want to cuddle you
•Walk or sit very close to you
•“Accidentally” touch you
10. Be honest with him.
Focus on building an honest, open relationship with your boyfriend. Keeping secrets and hiding things can come between you. If you’re hiding something, he might eventually find out and lose trust in you. Always be open and honest with him.
11. Avoid picking fights with him. Arguments are part of a healthy relationship, but picking fights with him for no apparent reason doesn’t encourage a good relationship or show that you love him. As far as he knows, a fight could give you an excuse to leave him and meet someone else. Unfaithful partners also pick fights as a result of guilt. If you love only him, don’t give him a reason to think otherwise.
12. Let him know right away if something bothers you, and be direct about it. Letting things fester will only make matters worse, and he won’t know you’re upset unless you say something.
13. Speak calmly without raising your voice. Attack the issue on hand and not him. Give him a chance to speak and listen to what he has to say.
14. Admit when you’re wrong. This is a strong sign of honesty and loyalty. Everyone slips up, and you’re no exception. If you know you’ve hurt him, admit it and apologize. Afterward, don’t dwell on it or constantly revisit the subject with him.
Don’t completely abandon the issue, however; try to learn from your mistake so that you don’t repeat it in the future.
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