Some say love is blind. True for some people and not true for some. Personally, I would say this is a relative term and an arguable one at that.
Relationships need work, care, attention, commitment, loyalty and honesty. It takes two to make it work which is a fact. Relationship involves two adults with the ability to accept each other’s mistakes and forgive. The capacity to forgive, overlook and ignore works differently for everyone.
We all know that love is about action. Love needs to be nourished, kept vibrant and have the power to endure through hard times and not just in good times only. We all have various beliefs on the concept of having a soul mate, even if you are someone’s soul mate, you still have to work on the relationship, keep the relationship healthy is not for one person only, it is for everyone.
The amazing thing about relationship is that you can indeed be with the right person, who is your “soul mate”, and still face numerous problems in your relationship because every relationship has and will have its own fair share of problems, no one can exist in a relationship without facing problems if you stay together long enough, sometimes the longer you are together the more problems you will face. The important thing to know is how to solve relationship problems without breaking up? Because if these issues are not properly and maturely handled, there will most definitely be a break-up.
How you are able to sort your relationship problems is what shapes your love life and defines the health status of your relationship. When you and your partner experience issues, quarrels, challenges and arguments, you know that you both need to answer some questions in all sincerity and honesty.
Do you try to amicably fix things? Do you take a temporary break from the relationship? Will taking a break from a relationship work? Should you seek out advice from councillors on relationship challenges?
I will share a few ways to solve problems in relationship without breaking up. Please, note that there will be more than one way to resolve issues. It all depends on what works for you and your partner.
Let us say that things between you are not at their best right now. You have some long or short term relationship issues.
You’ve been in a sad or perhaps destructive cycle: fighting, making up, fighting again, ignoring each other, trying to communicate, but failing to do so in a healthy way.
You are at a point where you are seriously considering taking a break from the relationship and fed up with recurring arguments. There are so many couples who have taken various steps in resolving issues by first taking a break or time out from each other. Some say it is a healthy way to sort issues. I won’t say it is or it is not, but it works differently for everyone.
Time out from your relationship
If you and your partner decide that taking time out would be a good idea, it is essential that you both agree on some specific rules that you would respect during this trial period. Some suggestions include:
- An end date for the time out. The date at which point you two agree to evaluate the usefulness of the relationship break, and you decide whether or not to remain in the relationship or walk away.
- Would it be acceptable to date others during the break?
- Is sex with others allowed? If so, always use protection, so you do not put yourself or your partner at risk, especially if you are intending to come back together
- What will your communication look like during the break? It may be best to not communicate, to give yourselves a chance to “miss” each other.
- This will also allow you to tune into any feelings that might arise when your partner is not present. Are you happier? Sadder? This will help you determine if your relationship is worth saving.
- Use your time away from each other wisely. See friends you neglected during your relationship.
- Take up a new sport or hobby. Journal your feelings. Be selfish: you only have yourself to concentrate on now in other words practise self-love. If you have never done it before please learn.
Sometimes a break is indeed a valuable step to take towards resolving relationship issues, and sometimes a break leads to the break-up of the relationship so like I said it works differently for each couple.
Whatever the outcome, it will be the one that was meant to be. If he or she is for you, then you will both find a way. Every relationship issue has its own peculiar solution.
Good communication is important, or some level of communication, which is better than no communication. Of course, no communication leads to the eventual break-down of the relationship. One of the first tools you will use on how to avoid a break-up is your words. Both of you need to be able to respectfully communicate your side of the story in order to move towards respect being the key word here. If you cannot manage this successfully, then you need to urgently find a neutral mediator to help you both.
What drew you together?
Going backward, figure out what drew you both together. Like when you both first met. What’s the gist behind you both meeting up. Can those feelings be revived?
Change your boring lifestyle, learn to make life interesting for both of you. This takes effort not just words.
Find out how to balance it and find what makes each of you happy. You have to try not to take each other for granted. This very easily happens. After a while, arguments will start and a once healthy relationship becomes toxic.
Try new things together, no matter how small. Short weekend trips to places you’ve never seen before.
Life is not a fairytale so is your relationship
Let us face it, not many of us are informed that life is not sweet 24/7. One of the best bits of advice that couples can implement when resolving issues in a relationship is to know that: Love is not a fairytale. When you put two people together, you automatically have two different ways of looking at the world. We are talking about two entirely different thoughts, ways of reasoning, upbringing, background, tribes and sometimes religion too! So just imagine a million and one issues that can cause conflict.
17 Ways to Handle Emotional Pains
Sadness is a natural emotion that is associated with loss and disappointment. However, if it doesn’t fade with time, it might point to a treatable condition, depression, that can impact your whole body and daily life.
1. Look for support. Whether you’ve already left your abuser, are still with your abuser or were abused long ago, consider reaching out to a trained domestic violence advocate at any point to find nonjudgmental support for how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Processing your emotions can help you through the healing process.
2. Understand that recovery happens in stages. You’ll face anger, depression, bargaining and all of the stages of grief. When you start to forgive yourself and allow yourself to accept that the past is over, you can grow and build resiliency.
3. Don’t torture yourself by fixating on what caused the pain you’re suffering from. What has happened has already been done and cannot be undone.
If nothing can be done, your only and best choice is to simply to accept it and move on.
4. Open yourself to others, let them in. Does it hurt you to see your loved ones suffering? The same goes for your loved ones when they see you suffering.
Don’t lock yourself up in your room and avoid others. Let them in, it benefits both them and you. Humans are social creatures, isolating yourself ends up exacerbating your pain. Connection is the antidote.
5. See a therapist or counselor, who can help you uncover and deal with the emotions underlying your addiction.
6. Distract Yourself. Common belief used to bethat if we didn’t express every emotion we felt (or at least the big ones), they would show themselves in other ways. In some ways, this is true: there are benefits to examining our emotional states to learn from what our emotions are trying to tell us, and ‘stuffing our emotions’ in unhealthy ways can bring other problems. However, it’s also been discovered that distracting oneself from emotional pain with emotionally healthy alternatives such as a feel-good movie, fun activities with friends, or a satisfying mental challenge can lessen emotional pain and help us feel better.
7. Practice Meditation. Meditation is very helpful for dealing with a variety of stressors, and emotional stress is definitely in the category of stressors that meditation helps with. It allows you to take a break from rumination by actively redirecting your thoughts, and provides practice in choosing thoughts, which can help eliminate some emotional stress in the long term. Try a few meditation techniques.
8. Understand that Every emotion is temporary. Any emotion known to man is a fleeting, impermanent state (even the happy ones). Think of them like waves. Sometimes you can see it coming, other times it catches you by surprise. Some waves are bigger than others; however, by their nature they come and go.
9. Learn to smile and laugh, Laughter is important. I often distracted myself from negative thoughts and memories with humor. Watch a funny clip on the Internet or call a friend that always makes you laugh. In a time crunch, you can simply think of something that always helps you laugh or smile.
10. Apologize to others and to yourself, accept that what has happened has happened, and convince yourself that the only way to move forward is to forgive yourself.
11. Think about your own role in the situation that is upsetting you and look for ways in which you can improve. Most of the time, when we become angry at someone else, we finger point and look to blame. We may focus on the ways in which the other person has hurt us or what they have done wrong. It can be important to express how we have been wronged and discuss that with the person who wronged us, but it is also helpful to look at ways in which we could have handled things differently, what we can change about our own behavior or how we can approach a situation differently in the future.
12. Text a friend.
13. Ask someone to just sit with you.
14. Call a family member.
15. Talk to an adult you trust.
16. Call a friend you.
17. Listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook.
Important things every woman want a man they love to understand about love and money.
Most women are always embarrassed to ask their man for money or for something they need, always embarrassed. They would rather soak up their challenges secretly or look for help elsewhere than going to him to ask for some help, even when she knows that he has the capacity to handle it, they don’t just feel right about it, especially for women with an independently ‘I should take care of myself’ mentality.
And the problem is not a lack of courage or pride, the challenge is that they feel responsible for themselves, and more than anything else they hate that you might feel buggy.
The closest thing they try to do is get help somewhere else, even when those alternative sources are the most unlikely to be responsive she will still prefer to take that chance than ask you for anything.
She expects you to figure out that something is not right. She just expects you to read her body language and her moods. She expects you to read the words in her silence but when you ask her ‘how are you?’ The next thing that follows is ‘have you eaten?’, and that’s all, you don’t go beyond that point.
Get this guys, as a man there is just no way you can be comfortable that your partner is not asking you for anything, there is just no way you can be at peace with yourself, it should itch your soul.
You are working and earning a salary but for 3 months you have not bought her anything, it’s bad honestly, even if your budget is tight, even if you are saving to buy world bank, 2months is enough to stop by the store and get her a nice pair of jeans or some tops, a fancy hair ribbon won’t put your savings in recession, it just the little things we do.
Most of us are just relaxed over the fact that she works and can take care of herself, yes she can, but even as the director of central bank she is also a woman, and as a woman she has needs that only a man can satisfy.
Dont wait for her to come asking you for little things, just as grown women always feel embarrassed to ask, grown men also feel embarrassed when their woman come asking for money and some common things they need, they just use their common sense to know that he is responsible for someone according to his capacity. Grown men ask what she needs, they don’t wait to be asked.
If this is you uncle please start using your common sense, start by showing concern with questions like;
“Baby, I have a free budget for April, is there anything you need that you want me to make a budget for?”
“Love, i know you need money for your project, I will cover your tithe for this month so you can add that 10% to what you have saved up, alright?”
“Bae, I told your friend that makes female shoes to make one for you, I paid already, just let her the design you like.”
Or sometimes just send her some cash and ask her to keep it for you, we both know she understands what you’re trying to do.
These little things are the foundation blocks of a relationship and marriage. Most brothers don’t even have the account details of their partner and they have been doing relationship for over a year. Some cannot remember the last time they bought airtime credit for their partner, it’s that bad. Love is not free, the price is responsibility.
Love and money have a connection, once one is not there, then there is a possibility of challenges in your relationship.
14 Ways to show a Man that you Love Him without saying ” I Love You ”
The happiest relationships come when two people are able to be open and honest with each other, and that honesty is a byproduct of being able to speak freely without fear of being judged.
1. If you want to show your guy that you think he’s special, you could just tell him you love him. He’ll always want to hear that. And, of course, you can surprise him with the latest iPhone or that golf club he’s been begging for. But probably the best way to make a man feel loved is to offer some simple, everyday acts of kindness that show him you understand him.
These little gifts will give something back to you: a marriage infused with more trust and friendship and a deeper sense of togetherness.
So go ahead and buy him things if you feel like it. But if you want to make him so happy leave those materials things or don’t focus on gifts.
2. Give him some “Guy Time” You are your husband’s best friend, as he’s likely to profess after a couple of beers. But sometimes he wants to go out with someone who won’t roll her eyes when he turns into a human whoopee cushion. That “someone” is… The Guys. “Men get energy from being away,” “They hang loose, talk or not talk. It gives them great intimacy without tremendous demands.”
3. Whether it’s running errands for him, getting chores done around the house, or quickly dropping off lunch for him during a busy day at work, small and large favors can take a huge weight off someone’s shoulders. By going out of your way to make your guy’s life a bit less stressful, you’re showing him that you’re willing to sacrifice your own time and energy to make him happy. If that isn’t love, what is?
4. Sometimes, the most loving moments come during the most difficult times. Just being there for your partner when he needs you the most can show him how much you really care about him, especially if he feels like he needs to put on a brave face for everyone else. Let him cry into your arms if he’s facing an overwhelming or tragic time in his life or bring him a cold washcloth and medicine if he’s sick in bed. Your support will mean just as much as three little words.
5. to be the pursuer in dating and relationships and feel that we need to ‘win’ a woman’s attention and attraction from our competition. Regardless of how silly this may sound to women reading this, my money is on the fact that many men are nodding along with it in understanding.
For this reason, we find we are often on the giving end of compliments, especially when it comes to someone we truly care about. Regardless of how confident a man comes across, acknowledging him with genuine adoration will make him feel appreciated, and all warm and fuzzy inside.
6. Give him long hugs. Men often communicate physically. Whether it be through body language, putting his arm around you, or how he tends to stand up taller when other men are around – it is a language he instinctively understands. This provides women with a great opportunity to be close to him physically and also send a very important message of love that he wants to hear [feel]. Holding on to him just a little longer or hugging him just a little tighter will show him the affection he desires.
7. Show Affection in Public. We’re not talking about over the top displays of affection here, a nice little hand squeeze or a peck on the cheek is all you need to show your partner, you care without making the people around you uncomfortable.
8. Brag on him. Tell family and friends maybe even complete strangers, how much you appreciate the man that he is. Preferably within his hearing.
9. Being close physically. Men often express themselves physically. Someone who is always close to you is taking comfort in the knowledge that you are with him.
Men also like the feeling of protectiveness that comes from being close to you. He might even be sending a subconscious message to the world: She’s with me, so back off! He may:
•Have his arm around you regularly
•Hold your hand
•Hug you at random times
•Always want to cuddle you
•Walk or sit very close to you
•“Accidentally” touch you
10. Be honest with him.
Focus on building an honest, open relationship with your boyfriend. Keeping secrets and hiding things can come between you. If you’re hiding something, he might eventually find out and lose trust in you. Always be open and honest with him.
11. Avoid picking fights with him. Arguments are part of a healthy relationship, but picking fights with him for no apparent reason doesn’t encourage a good relationship or show that you love him. As far as he knows, a fight could give you an excuse to leave him and meet someone else. Unfaithful partners also pick fights as a result of guilt. If you love only him, don’t give him a reason to think otherwise.
12. Let him know right away if something bothers you, and be direct about it. Letting things fester will only make matters worse, and he won’t know you’re upset unless you say something.
13. Speak calmly without raising your voice. Attack the issue on hand and not him. Give him a chance to speak and listen to what he has to say.
14. Admit when you’re wrong. This is a strong sign of honesty and loyalty. Everyone slips up, and you’re no exception. If you know you’ve hurt him, admit it and apologize. Afterward, don’t dwell on it or constantly revisit the subject with him.
Don’t completely abandon the issue, however; try to learn from your mistake so that you don’t repeat it in the future.
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