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How to solve relationship problems without breaking up

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Some say love is blind. True for some people and not true for some. Personally, I would say this is a relative term and an arguable one at that.

Relationships need work, care, attention, commitment, loyalty and honesty. It takes two to make it work which is a fact. Relationship involves two adults with the ability to accept each other’s mistakes and forgive. The capacity to forgive, overlook and ignore works differently for everyone.

We all know   that love is about action.  Love   needs to be nourished, kept vibrant and have the power to endure through hard times and not just in good times only. We all have various beliefs on the concept of having a soul mate, even if you are someone’s soul mate, you still have to work on the relationship, keep the relationship healthy is not for one person only, it is for everyone.

The amazing thing about relationship is that you can indeed be with the right person, who is your “soul mate”, and still face numerous problems in your relationship because every relationship has and will have its own fair share of problems, no one can exist in a relationship without facing problems if you stay together long enough, sometimes the longer you are together the more problems you will face. The important thing to know is how to solve relationship problems without breaking up? Because if these issues are not properly and maturely handled, there will most definitely be a break-up.

How you are able to sort your relationship problems is what shapes your love life and defines the health status of your relationship.  When you and your partner experience issues, quarrels, challenges and arguments, you know that you both need to answer  some questions in all sincerity and honesty.

Do you try to amicably fix things? Do you take a temporary break from the relationship? Will taking a break from a relationship work? Should you seek out advice from councillors on relationship challenges?

I will share a few ways to solve problems in relationship without breaking up. Please, note that there will be more than one way to resolve issues. It all depends on what works for you and your partner.

Let us say that things between you are not at their best right now.  You have some long or short term relationship issues.

You’ve been in a sad or perhaps destructive cycle:  fighting, making up, fighting again, ignoring each other, trying to communicate, but failing to do so in a healthy way.

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You are at a point where you are seriously considering taking a break from the relationship and fed up with recurring arguments. There are so many couples who have taken various steps in resolving issues by first taking a break or time out from each other. Some say it is a healthy way to sort issues. I won’t say it is or it is not, but it works differently for everyone.

Time out from your relationship

If you and your partner decide that taking time out would be a good idea, it is essential that you both agree on some specific rules that you would respect during this trial period.  Some suggestions include:

  1. An end date for the time out. The date at which point you two agree to evaluate the usefulness of the relationship break, and you decide whether or not to remain in the relationship or walk away.
  2. Would it be acceptable to date others during the break?
  3. Is sex with others allowed? If so, always use protection, so you do not put yourself or your partner at risk, especially if you are intending to come back together
  4. What will your communication look like during the break? It may be best to not communicate, to give yourselves a chance to “miss” each other.
  5. This will also allow you to tune into any feelings that might arise when your partner is not present. Are you happier? Sadder? This will help you determine if your relationship is worth saving.
  6. Use your time away from each other wisely. See friends you neglected during your relationship.
  7. Take up a new sport or hobby. Journal your feelings. Be selfish:  you only have yourself to concentrate on now in other words practise self-love. If you have never done it before please learn.

Sometimes a break is indeed a valuable step to take towards resolving relationship issues, and sometimes a break leads to the break-up of the relationship so like I said it works differently for each couple.

Whatever the outcome, it will be the one that was meant to be. If he or she is for you, then you will both find a way. Every relationship issue has its own peculiar solution.

Good communication is important, or some level of communication, which is better than no communication. Of course, no communication leads to the eventual break-down of the relationship. One of the first tools you will use on how to avoid a break-up is your words.  Both of you need to be able to respectfully communicate your side of the story in order to move towards respect being the key word here. If you cannot manage this successfully, then you need to urgently find a neutral mediator to help you both.

What drew you together?

Going backward, figure out what drew you both together. Like when you both first met. What’s the gist behind you both meeting up. Can those feelings be revived?

Change your boring lifestyle, learn to make life interesting for both of you. This takes effort not just words.

Find out how to balance it and find what makes each of you happy. You have to try not to take each other for granted. This very easily happens. After a while, arguments will start and a once healthy relationship becomes toxic.

Try new things together, no matter how small. Short weekend trips to places you’ve never seen before.

Life is not a fairytale so is your relationship

Let us face it, not many of us are informed that life is not sweet 24/7. One of the best bits of advice that couples can implement when  resolving issues in a relationship is to know that: Love is not a fairytale.  When you put two people together, you automatically have two different ways of looking at the world. We are talking about two entirely different thoughts, ways of reasoning, upbringing, background, tribes and sometimes religion too! So just imagine a million and one issues that can cause conflict.

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How to know when someone is crushing on you

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Gone are the days when it’s only the guys that crushes on ladies.  These days, ladies also crush on guys. The only difference is that a lady, who is crushing on a guy, could stay crushing for years without making a move. Some will try for months to get the guy’s attention using different methods.

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A guy, on the other hand, could make a move on a lady just few weeks of crushing on her.

It is therefore essential that a guy makes a move on a lady when he notices that she’s crushing on him. Crushing on the opposite s*x isn’t a crime. In fact, it begins from admiring someone’s physique, complexion, friendliness, caring lifestyle, handsomeness, beauty, dentition, endowment, etc.

The crime is when you spend your entire time crushing without having the boldness to make a move.

You can always seize the opportunity to make a move on your crush when you feel you’re really getting to love the person. In the same vein, you might notice that an opposite sex is always looking at you, checking on you, calling you, gushing over you, buying you gifts and what have you. All these are signs that the person is having a crush on you. After some times, if you notice the person is not bold enough to make a move on you, all you need to do is to remain more free and accommodating around the person.

The reason why someone who is crushing on you, might delay in making a move on you, might be as a result of you not being free with them. So, they might feel ashamed if they are eventually turned down. So they prefer to remain in the crushing circle.

Here are sure ways to know someone is crushing on you:

* They checkup on you always: You notice a person checks you up always, a day can’t pass without him or her saying hello to you, either via call or text messages. This kind of person is a potential crush. If you think you like the person also, try to always reciprocate on days the person doesn’t call or text. This way, you’ll keep the crushing alive but if you don’t return phone calls or text or you ignore his or her call, you will only end up chase away a potential partner.

* They borrow something from you: Sometimes a crush who you just met might want to strike continual communication, and might just look for something to borrow from you as an excuse to see you again. As a student in a lecture room, you might sit next to someone who has a crush on you, and after the lecture, the person will want to borrow your lecture note, just as a way of seeing you again. This happened to me personally in church.

* They comment on all your social media posts: A crush might feel the best way to get your attention is by always commenting on your posts on social media, especially photos you post. Some will deliberately tell you they will use the photos as their wallpaper or save it on their phone. When you notice that someone is always commenting on every post you make, it is a sign someone is loving you secretly.

* They pay attention when you talk: You might have noticed how a particular person pays attention to you when you guys are having a conversation. Even when they have their phones with them, and someone is even trying to chat them up they rather pay full attention to you.

* They spend longer hours with you: They don’t rush to leave when they visit, they wish like staying with you for longer hours. Not because of your money but they just feel so relax while with you. This is because they’ll start missing you the very moment they leave your house.

* They make you notice their presence: This happens all the time. They sight you and immediately start trying to get your attention either by walking in front of you or coming to you to ask a question they probably know. Sometimes on a bus, a lady who admires a guy sitting next to her, might want to strike a conversation by asking where a particular bus-stop is or how much the transport fare is. It may also happen in places like church, school, workplace where you’ll notice someone who is continuously starring at you, this is just a way to get your attention.

* They feel shy when with you: It has been proven that someone who are really crushing on you might eventually get shy when they get to meet you. They feel nervous and might try to hide their feelings.

* They buy you gifts: They see buying you things as a way of getting to you, they pay for stuffs you buy even without your knowledge.

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How to build forgiveness in a relationship

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A lot of times we all believe saying good bye is a true end to everything of bad relationships but Goodbye is not always the answer and this is the case for both old and new relationships. No matter the level of mistakes you are currently facing in your relationship, it’s always worth it to try again as long as you know that both of you are willing to still make it work, emphasis on BOTH, because one person cannot achieve it alone. Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a very important aspect in relationships .It helps to keep you healthy both emotionally and physically.

 

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For a fact there are some things that cannot easily be forgiven, they can be forgiven but not as quickly as some other things, not only because of the hurt that they have caused but also because of how it already tainted your trust in your partner and in your relationship. If you are stuck in this cycle of constantly failing to forgive no matter how much your partner has changed, this article will help you understand in clearer times the reason(S) why you need to forgive.

One of the most important things I have experienced and learnt is that, forgiving and letting go may be one of the most important ways to keep you strong and sane. Some transgressions are so harmful and disastrous that a relationship may not be able to survive, but forgiveness can still play a role to healing and making things better, but of course time heals all wounds.

The Importance to your health

Holding onto hurts, disappointments,  annoyances,  even betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you  will discover in no time that you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing your hurt (whether real or perceived) for too long can eventually make it turn into something more hate and extreme bitterness. And living a bitter life with who you supposedly love or care for only causes more damage than good.

Not being able to forgive can also wear you down. It takes both a physical and mental toll on you causing depression and sometimes suicide. Resentment gains momentum and chips away at the foundation of your well-being and your relationship. The magic is in being able to share your feelings.

The importance of forgiving your partner

heal, there are a number of ways one can use to find a place of forgiveness when you have experienced betrayal. Look at each method and find the combination that works best for you.

  • Be open to give and receive forgiveness.
  • Make an intentional decision to forgive your partner.
  • Think of a constructive and positive thing to do to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts, when images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind,
  • Refrain from throwing an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date, yes I know this is difficult, but try; don’t use it as ammunition in an argument, it takes practice but try not to.
  • Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression, behavior, or mistake, confession may be very difficult to give or listen to, so accept you may never get the full story and move on.
  • Try not to seek revenge or retribution; trying to get even will only extend the pain and chances are good that this won’t really make you feel better anyway.
  • Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you condone the hurtful behavior.
  • Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your partner takes time. Don’t try to hurry the process.

Get professional counseling to help you let go and forgive if you are still unable to forgive, or you find yourself thinking on the betrayal or hurt regularly, it won’t be easy but better to make an attempt than nothing at all.

  1. Put a stop to remembering the pain and hurt.

If you want the wound of a mistake to fully heal, you should stop touching it – because what comes after healing is forgiveness, especially if it was done by someone you truly love. Stop thinking about what happened in the past and how it made you feel – as long as the lessons have been learned, you should do your best to stop reliving the pain and hurt. Move on and everything will follow.

  1. Try Give your partner a second chance, if they want it and are willing to work for it.

People make mistakes and you, yourself, had your own share of regrets in the past. If you did something hurtful to someone you love like your partner, wouldn’t you want to be given a second chance? Just like how you think you deserve that chance, you should also give the same thought about your partner.

As long as you know that they know what they did, how it affected your relationship, and the things that they should do to avoid repeating the same mistakes, then they deserve that second chance.

  1. Appreciate the changes they’ve made or trying to make.

It can be hard for someone to change but do you wonder why they still try? Because they know that it’s the only way for them not to lose you – they want to stay and they’ll do everything for your relationship to be what it once was before, or better.

  1. Try to Make an effort to reach out.

Perhaps your partner doesn’t feel like talking about the mistakes that they have done in the past that they tend to be quiet about how they truly feel. Their need to be forgiven sometimes makes them scared that they might say the wrong words again, and it might make things worse. What you can do is to assure them that your relationship is their safe place – they should not stop being who they are or stop expressing their thoughts just because they’re afraid to offend their partner again.

  1. Tell yourself why you fell in love.

If all else fails, the best thing that you can do for yourself and your relationship is to remember why you are in this relationship in the first place. How did you fall in love? What are the things that you like about this person? What are the happiest memories you have together? Are those qualities still there?

  1. Pray for help and healing from God

Let your faith and spiritual strength show you the way to find forgiveness in your heart. Sometimes, when you are hurting and in pain, you lose the courage to forgive someone who had caused you pain. What you can do is to pray for enlightenment and guidance, for wisdom and for healing, so that you will be able to have the strength to give your love another chance.

  1. Together, start over with a new love story if they are willing to.

Let your road to forgiveness open a bigger door to a new stage in your relationship. Start over, start anew – and do this together. In order to build forgiveness in your relationship, you have to make an effort to take the first step. The road may look narrow and daunting, but never let this fear weaken your faith in the promise that you have made together.

How to Ask you partner for Forgiveness

If you are the one who has caused hurt and pain for your partner, you can ask for forgiveness in in order to rebuild trust in the relationship. Remember to give yourself and your partner time when working through the process. Time heals wounds if you allow it to.

  • Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you’ve caused, let them see that you are sorry for what you have done.
  • Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your partner again by repeating the hurtful behavior, any promise you make, you must fulfill.
  • Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt, face them, deal with them directly and ensure it doesn’t happen again.
  • Be open to making amends and settling for peace.
  • Make a heartfelt and verbal apology; this includes a plan of action to make things right, sometimes words may not be enough.
  • Be patient with your partner. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don’t dismiss your spouse’s feelings of betrayal by telling them to “get over it.” That will only make things worse.

Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven. No healthy relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness. But remember that forgiveness isn’t absolution.

Forgiveness is a conscious decision and a practice of releasing feelings of resentment. Forgiveness can provide you and your partner with the tools to process and move on. Even though you may find it find it difficult, being able to forgive is crucial for the long haul to so many things like your health, state of mind and general wellbeing, existing in an unforgiving state will destroy a lot of things for you. For you to succeed in living a fulfilled life, and enjoying relationships with others, you must learn to forgive. If it’s not working, then I pray God gives you the strength to make the necessary decisions and move. I wish you all the best!!!

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5 Reason: It’s Time to Try Online Dating

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One of the most important things you should know while dating online and how everything should work out perfectly, Online dating has been around for a couple of decades now and it’s getting more and more popular. But not every single person is using online dating services.

Online Dating

Perhaps you’ve been happy being single for a while or just never felt the need to jump on the online dating bandwagon. But, things can change, and if you’ve found yourself relating to any of these situations recently, it might be time to give online dating a try.

1. You Want to Be in a Relationship

The main reason why people use online dating sites is that they just don’t want to be single anymore. If you’re no longer enjoying your single life as much and would like somebody to share it with, online dating is a great place to start – after all, you can never be sure that you’re going to meet the right person for you in the street. While your perfect match might not show up the moment you sign up to find singles here in New Jersey, you’ll definitely meet more eligible people online than you would in your day to day life.

2. You Don’t Meet New People Often

If you’re single, looking for love, and don’t often meet new people, online dating could be the perfect solution for you. With the events of this year leading to more people working remotely than ever before, our chances of meeting new people in our day to day lives are getting even slimmer. Whether you’re currently working from home and haven’t met somebody new for a long time, or rarely ever get the chance to mingle with other singles in-person, online dating can save the day.

3. You Want to Find a Certain Type of Person

Online dating makes it much easier to narrow down your options when it comes to finding the right person for you to date. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being picky when dating, it’s often much harder to do that in real life. If you want to date a firefighter, for example, you can search for them to meet online at https://meetville.com/catalog/us/page/1445-firefighter – but you probably wouldn’t get a serious response if you went to your local fire station to ask if anybody is single!

4. You Live in a Small Town

Living in a small town can often be both a blessing and a curse. Sure, everybody is friendly, but when you’ve grown up around everybody your own age, finding somebody to date can be difficult. Online dating allows you to easily meet people outside of your hometown without traveling too far until you’ve met somebody that you really get on with and want to get to know better.

5. You Want to Make New Friends

Don’t forget that online dating isn’t only about meeting your future life partner. While relationships are certainly the aim of the game, the nature of online dating often means that you meet a lot of new people along the way who might eventually become good friends with you if they weren’t a good match romantically.

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