A lot of times we all believe saying good bye is a true end to everything of bad relationships but Goodbye is not always the answer and this is the case for both old and new relationships. No matter the level of mistakes you are currently facing in your relationship, it’s always worth it to try again as long as you know that both of you are willing to still make it work, emphasis on BOTH, because one person cannot achieve it alone. Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a very important aspect in relationships .It helps to keep you healthy both emotionally and physically.
For a fact there are some things that cannot easily be forgiven, they can be forgiven but not as quickly as some other things, not only because of the hurt that they have caused but also because of how it already tainted your trust in your partner and in your relationship. If you are stuck in this cycle of constantly failing to forgive no matter how much your partner has changed, this article will help you understand in clearer times the reason(S) why you need to forgive.
One of the most important things I have experienced and learnt is that, forgiving and letting go may be one of the most important ways to keep you strong and sane. Some transgressions are so harmful and disastrous that a relationship may not be able to survive, but forgiveness can still play a role to healing and making things better, but of course time heals all wounds.
The Importance to your health
Holding onto hurts, disappointments, annoyances, even betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you will discover in no time that you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing your hurt (whether real or perceived) for too long can eventually make it turn into something more hate and extreme bitterness. And living a bitter life with who you supposedly love or care for only causes more damage than good.
Not being able to forgive can also wear you down. It takes both a physical and mental toll on you causing depression and sometimes suicide. Resentment gains momentum and chips away at the foundation of your well-being and your relationship. The magic is in being able to share your feelings.
The importance of forgiving your partner
heal, there are a number of ways one can use to find a place of forgiveness when you have experienced betrayal. Look at each method and find the combination that works best for you.
- Be open to give and receive forgiveness.
- Make an intentional decision to forgive your partner.
- Think of a constructive and positive thing to do to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts, when images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind,
- Refrain from throwing an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date, yes I know this is difficult, but try; don’t use it as ammunition in an argument, it takes practice but try not to.
- Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression, behavior, or mistake, confession may be very difficult to give or listen to, so accept you may never get the full story and move on.
- Try not to seek revenge or retribution; trying to get even will only extend the pain and chances are good that this won’t really make you feel better anyway.
- Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you condone the hurtful behavior.
- Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your partner takes time. Don’t try to hurry the process.
Get professional counseling to help you let go and forgive if you are still unable to forgive, or you find yourself thinking on the betrayal or hurt regularly, it won’t be easy but better to make an attempt than nothing at all.
- Put a stop to remembering the pain and hurt.
If you want the wound of a mistake to fully heal, you should stop touching it – because what comes after healing is forgiveness, especially if it was done by someone you truly love. Stop thinking about what happened in the past and how it made you feel – as long as the lessons have been learned, you should do your best to stop reliving the pain and hurt. Move on and everything will follow.
- Try Give your partner a second chance, if they want it and are willing to work for it.
People make mistakes and you, yourself, had your own share of regrets in the past. If you did something hurtful to someone you love like your partner, wouldn’t you want to be given a second chance? Just like how you think you deserve that chance, you should also give the same thought about your partner.
As long as you know that they know what they did, how it affected your relationship, and the things that they should do to avoid repeating the same mistakes, then they deserve that second chance.
- Appreciate the changes they’ve made or trying to make.
It can be hard for someone to change but do you wonder why they still try? Because they know that it’s the only way for them not to lose you – they want to stay and they’ll do everything for your relationship to be what it once was before, or better.
- Try to Make an effort to reach out.
Perhaps your partner doesn’t feel like talking about the mistakes that they have done in the past that they tend to be quiet about how they truly feel. Their need to be forgiven sometimes makes them scared that they might say the wrong words again, and it might make things worse. What you can do is to assure them that your relationship is their safe place – they should not stop being who they are or stop expressing their thoughts just because they’re afraid to offend their partner again.
- Tell yourself why you fell in love.
If all else fails, the best thing that you can do for yourself and your relationship is to remember why you are in this relationship in the first place. How did you fall in love? What are the things that you like about this person? What are the happiest memories you have together? Are those qualities still there?
- Pray for help and healing from God
Let your faith and spiritual strength show you the way to find forgiveness in your heart. Sometimes, when you are hurting and in pain, you lose the courage to forgive someone who had caused you pain. What you can do is to pray for enlightenment and guidance, for wisdom and for healing, so that you will be able to have the strength to give your love another chance.
- Together, start over with a new love story if they are willing to.
Let your road to forgiveness open a bigger door to a new stage in your relationship. Start over, start anew – and do this together. In order to build forgiveness in your relationship, you have to make an effort to take the first step. The road may look narrow and daunting, but never let this fear weaken your faith in the promise that you have made together.
How to Ask you partner for Forgiveness
If you are the one who has caused hurt and pain for your partner, you can ask for forgiveness in in order to rebuild trust in the relationship. Remember to give yourself and your partner time when working through the process. Time heals wounds if you allow it to.
- Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you’ve caused, let them see that you are sorry for what you have done.
- Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your partner again by repeating the hurtful behavior, any promise you make, you must fulfill.
- Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt, face them, deal with them directly and ensure it doesn’t happen again.
- Be open to making amends and settling for peace.
- Make a heartfelt and verbal apology; this includes a plan of action to make things right, sometimes words may not be enough.
- Be patient with your partner. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don’t dismiss your spouse’s feelings of betrayal by telling them to “get over it.” That will only make things worse.
Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven. No healthy relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness. But remember that forgiveness isn’t absolution.
Forgiveness is a conscious decision and a practice of releasing feelings of resentment. Forgiveness can provide you and your partner with the tools to process and move on. Even though you may find it find it difficult, being able to forgive is crucial for the long haul to so many things like your health, state of mind and general wellbeing, existing in an unforgiving state will destroy a lot of things for you. For you to succeed in living a fulfilled life, and enjoying relationships with others, you must learn to forgive. If it’s not working, then I pray God gives you the strength to make the necessary decisions and move. I wish you all the best!!!
17 Ways to Handle Emotional Pains
Sadness is a natural emotion that is associated with loss and disappointment. However, if it doesn’t fade with time, it might point to a treatable condition, depression, that can impact your whole body and daily life.
1. Look for support. Whether you’ve already left your abuser, are still with your abuser or were abused long ago, consider reaching out to a trained domestic violence advocate at any point to find nonjudgmental support for how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Processing your emotions can help you through the healing process.
2. Understand that recovery happens in stages. You’ll face anger, depression, bargaining and all of the stages of grief. When you start to forgive yourself and allow yourself to accept that the past is over, you can grow and build resiliency.
3. Don’t torture yourself by fixating on what caused the pain you’re suffering from. What has happened has already been done and cannot be undone.
If nothing can be done, your only and best choice is to simply to accept it and move on.
4. Open yourself to others, let them in. Does it hurt you to see your loved ones suffering? The same goes for your loved ones when they see you suffering.
Don’t lock yourself up in your room and avoid others. Let them in, it benefits both them and you. Humans are social creatures, isolating yourself ends up exacerbating your pain. Connection is the antidote.
5. See a therapist or counselor, who can help you uncover and deal with the emotions underlying your addiction.
6. Distract Yourself. Common belief used to bethat if we didn’t express every emotion we felt (or at least the big ones), they would show themselves in other ways. In some ways, this is true: there are benefits to examining our emotional states to learn from what our emotions are trying to tell us, and ‘stuffing our emotions’ in unhealthy ways can bring other problems. However, it’s also been discovered that distracting oneself from emotional pain with emotionally healthy alternatives such as a feel-good movie, fun activities with friends, or a satisfying mental challenge can lessen emotional pain and help us feel better.
7. Practice Meditation. Meditation is very helpful for dealing with a variety of stressors, and emotional stress is definitely in the category of stressors that meditation helps with. It allows you to take a break from rumination by actively redirecting your thoughts, and provides practice in choosing thoughts, which can help eliminate some emotional stress in the long term. Try a few meditation techniques.
8. Understand that Every emotion is temporary. Any emotion known to man is a fleeting, impermanent state (even the happy ones). Think of them like waves. Sometimes you can see it coming, other times it catches you by surprise. Some waves are bigger than others; however, by their nature they come and go.
9. Learn to smile and laugh, Laughter is important. I often distracted myself from negative thoughts and memories with humor. Watch a funny clip on the Internet or call a friend that always makes you laugh. In a time crunch, you can simply think of something that always helps you laugh or smile.
10. Apologize to others and to yourself, accept that what has happened has happened, and convince yourself that the only way to move forward is to forgive yourself.
11. Think about your own role in the situation that is upsetting you and look for ways in which you can improve. Most of the time, when we become angry at someone else, we finger point and look to blame. We may focus on the ways in which the other person has hurt us or what they have done wrong. It can be important to express how we have been wronged and discuss that with the person who wronged us, but it is also helpful to look at ways in which we could have handled things differently, what we can change about our own behavior or how we can approach a situation differently in the future.
12. Text a friend.
13. Ask someone to just sit with you.
14. Call a family member.
15. Talk to an adult you trust.
16. Call a friend you.
17. Listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook.
Important things every woman want a man they love to understand about love and money.
Most women are always embarrassed to ask their man for money or for something they need, always embarrassed. They would rather soak up their challenges secretly or look for help elsewhere than going to him to ask for some help, even when she knows that he has the capacity to handle it, they don’t just feel right about it, especially for women with an independently ‘I should take care of myself’ mentality.
And the problem is not a lack of courage or pride, the challenge is that they feel responsible for themselves, and more than anything else they hate that you might feel buggy.
The closest thing they try to do is get help somewhere else, even when those alternative sources are the most unlikely to be responsive she will still prefer to take that chance than ask you for anything.
She expects you to figure out that something is not right. She just expects you to read her body language and her moods. She expects you to read the words in her silence but when you ask her ‘how are you?’ The next thing that follows is ‘have you eaten?’, and that’s all, you don’t go beyond that point.
Get this guys, as a man there is just no way you can be comfortable that your partner is not asking you for anything, there is just no way you can be at peace with yourself, it should itch your soul.
You are working and earning a salary but for 3 months you have not bought her anything, it’s bad honestly, even if your budget is tight, even if you are saving to buy world bank, 2months is enough to stop by the store and get her a nice pair of jeans or some tops, a fancy hair ribbon won’t put your savings in recession, it just the little things we do.
Most of us are just relaxed over the fact that she works and can take care of herself, yes she can, but even as the director of central bank she is also a woman, and as a woman she has needs that only a man can satisfy.
Dont wait for her to come asking you for little things, just as grown women always feel embarrassed to ask, grown men also feel embarrassed when their woman come asking for money and some common things they need, they just use their common sense to know that he is responsible for someone according to his capacity. Grown men ask what she needs, they don’t wait to be asked.
If this is you uncle please start using your common sense, start by showing concern with questions like;
“Baby, I have a free budget for April, is there anything you need that you want me to make a budget for?”
“Love, i know you need money for your project, I will cover your tithe for this month so you can add that 10% to what you have saved up, alright?”
“Bae, I told your friend that makes female shoes to make one for you, I paid already, just let her the design you like.”
Or sometimes just send her some cash and ask her to keep it for you, we both know she understands what you’re trying to do.
These little things are the foundation blocks of a relationship and marriage. Most brothers don’t even have the account details of their partner and they have been doing relationship for over a year. Some cannot remember the last time they bought airtime credit for their partner, it’s that bad. Love is not free, the price is responsibility.
Love and money have a connection, once one is not there, then there is a possibility of challenges in your relationship.
14 Ways to show a Man that you Love Him without saying ” I Love You ”
The happiest relationships come when two people are able to be open and honest with each other, and that honesty is a byproduct of being able to speak freely without fear of being judged.
1. If you want to show your guy that you think he’s special, you could just tell him you love him. He’ll always want to hear that. And, of course, you can surprise him with the latest iPhone or that golf club he’s been begging for. But probably the best way to make a man feel loved is to offer some simple, everyday acts of kindness that show him you understand him.
These little gifts will give something back to you: a marriage infused with more trust and friendship and a deeper sense of togetherness.
So go ahead and buy him things if you feel like it. But if you want to make him so happy leave those materials things or don’t focus on gifts.
2. Give him some “Guy Time” You are your husband’s best friend, as he’s likely to profess after a couple of beers. But sometimes he wants to go out with someone who won’t roll her eyes when he turns into a human whoopee cushion. That “someone” is… The Guys. “Men get energy from being away,” “They hang loose, talk or not talk. It gives them great intimacy without tremendous demands.”
3. Whether it’s running errands for him, getting chores done around the house, or quickly dropping off lunch for him during a busy day at work, small and large favors can take a huge weight off someone’s shoulders. By going out of your way to make your guy’s life a bit less stressful, you’re showing him that you’re willing to sacrifice your own time and energy to make him happy. If that isn’t love, what is?
4. Sometimes, the most loving moments come during the most difficult times. Just being there for your partner when he needs you the most can show him how much you really care about him, especially if he feels like he needs to put on a brave face for everyone else. Let him cry into your arms if he’s facing an overwhelming or tragic time in his life or bring him a cold washcloth and medicine if he’s sick in bed. Your support will mean just as much as three little words.
5. to be the pursuer in dating and relationships and feel that we need to ‘win’ a woman’s attention and attraction from our competition. Regardless of how silly this may sound to women reading this, my money is on the fact that many men are nodding along with it in understanding.
For this reason, we find we are often on the giving end of compliments, especially when it comes to someone we truly care about. Regardless of how confident a man comes across, acknowledging him with genuine adoration will make him feel appreciated, and all warm and fuzzy inside.
6. Give him long hugs. Men often communicate physically. Whether it be through body language, putting his arm around you, or how he tends to stand up taller when other men are around – it is a language he instinctively understands. This provides women with a great opportunity to be close to him physically and also send a very important message of love that he wants to hear [feel]. Holding on to him just a little longer or hugging him just a little tighter will show him the affection he desires.
7. Show Affection in Public. We’re not talking about over the top displays of affection here, a nice little hand squeeze or a peck on the cheek is all you need to show your partner, you care without making the people around you uncomfortable.
8. Brag on him. Tell family and friends maybe even complete strangers, how much you appreciate the man that he is. Preferably within his hearing.
9. Being close physically. Men often express themselves physically. Someone who is always close to you is taking comfort in the knowledge that you are with him.
Men also like the feeling of protectiveness that comes from being close to you. He might even be sending a subconscious message to the world: She’s with me, so back off! He may:
•Have his arm around you regularly
•Hold your hand
•Hug you at random times
•Always want to cuddle you
•Walk or sit very close to you
•“Accidentally” touch you
10. Be honest with him.
Focus on building an honest, open relationship with your boyfriend. Keeping secrets and hiding things can come between you. If you’re hiding something, he might eventually find out and lose trust in you. Always be open and honest with him.
11. Avoid picking fights with him. Arguments are part of a healthy relationship, but picking fights with him for no apparent reason doesn’t encourage a good relationship or show that you love him. As far as he knows, a fight could give you an excuse to leave him and meet someone else. Unfaithful partners also pick fights as a result of guilt. If you love only him, don’t give him a reason to think otherwise.
12. Let him know right away if something bothers you, and be direct about it. Letting things fester will only make matters worse, and he won’t know you’re upset unless you say something.
13. Speak calmly without raising your voice. Attack the issue on hand and not him. Give him a chance to speak and listen to what he has to say.
14. Admit when you’re wrong. This is a strong sign of honesty and loyalty. Everyone slips up, and you’re no exception. If you know you’ve hurt him, admit it and apologize. Afterward, don’t dwell on it or constantly revisit the subject with him.
Don’t completely abandon the issue, however; try to learn from your mistake so that you don’t repeat it in the future.
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